Hey Siri

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
Clive James

Today it seems that everyone has a cell phone, even my nieces and nephews received smart phones when they were 10 years old. One might wonder what does a 10-year-old need with a phone? The answer depends on the perspective. For the parents it satisfies a safety concern, for the kids it satisfies their addiction to the latest video games. Unlike a computer, the smart phone lets them play anywhere at any time – 24/7.

If I had had a phone at 10, I would have been able to call my mom at Magic Mountain when I wandered away from our after-ride meeting spot. Realizing I was lost, I did the adolescent most responsible thing, I wandered around the entire park looking for them. I checked the parking lot and was happy to see they didn’t leave without me. So I checked all of the other rides. Thinking they might be hungry like me, I check the restaurants to see if they were eating without me. I finally gave in and faced the truth. I was lost. So I went to the Lost and Found booth to see if my parents were waiting there. They weren’t, as they too where busy wondering the park. The officer was able to reach out on my behalf and bring us together.

All could have been avoided had I stayed where I was supposed to wait and had I realized that the people getting off the ride were the people who went into the ride before them. The other solution, I could have just gone on the ride, but then I would not have gotten the Mickey Mouse rain jacket the police officer provided to a scared and rain-soaked 10 year old. At the end of the day when time had soothed the anxiety pains and Mickey was still keeping me warm and dry, I began to think it worked out pretty good for me. I still have a tendency to wander off the beaten path and get turned around, but my trusty cell phone has made getting unlost sufficiently easy to the point that I now am no longer burdened with the ‘I will never be found syndrome’.

I remember buying a 20-foot phone cord that would let me take the desk phone from the office to my bedroom for 14-year-old girl talk privacy. I was later excited when we bought our first wireless receiver. I could then talk anywhere in the house and even on the front porch with just a handheld phone receiver, WOW. Now, my iPhone has advanced from a wallet sized phone that allows phone calls from most anywhere in the world to a small, advanced computer. Even more amazing, I can dictate a letter into my watch and have it sent as a text message and even answer a phone call on my watch. We have advanced to the point where we need on-line classes to learn how to use our phones to monitor our sleep and our wellbeing, how to take and edit photographs and videos from our professional-grade phone cameras, and how to use all of the programs that make life easier.

My dad brought home the newest iPhone 12 ProMax this week. It is a bit heavier, wider, has a better tri-lens camera for landscape photos, has more memory, and a battery that lasts longer. However, the new Siri may need some improvements. My dad decided it was time that Siri got his name right. He felt confident this new Siri on his phone was up to the task.

He asked Siri, “What is my name?” It told him, “Dobson.” It believes my dad’s name is, actually, the name of his place of employment. When my dad asked to change his name, Siri wanted to know the nickname he wanted to change. After dad said, “Dobson.” The phone seemed to go dead. We sat at the table for a minute or more when my dad, thinking he needed to start over, said, “Hey Siri.” The phone said, “Hey Siri,” back. Then my dad’s Ipad awoke with, “What can I do for you.” Every time someone said, “Hey Siri”, Siri, responded with my dad’s new name, “Hey Siri” and it started another device. This went on for about 10-15 minutes before Siri was reprogramed to acknowledge my dad’s name is Dennis and not “Hey Siri” or “Dobson.”

Moral: 1) Be patient as Siri is always learning too. 2) While cell phones are great, don’t forget to take some time to live as if cell phones don’t exist and spend more time communicating in person at a CDC socially acceptable distance.

Feel free to share your stories in the comments below or at zsmisadventures@gmail.com and your story may be used in an upcoming blog. Stay Whimsical.

Gone Fishing

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.
Doug Larson

Fishing is a great way to relax and be a part and in awe of nature’s beauty. It also offers a unique perspective of the distinctive humor that takes place in the wilderness. For example, the first time I went fishing the only thing I hooked was my nose. It was not funny then, but the memory is unique and whimsically me. I have been lucky enough on a few occasions to catch fish when no one thought there were any in a shallow stream of river rock. I even have caught the same fish twice. Most of the time though, I just sit with my pole in the water taking in the sunshine and daydreaming of catching the big one.

I may not always catch a fish, but I do enjoy some laughter on almost every excursion. The other day my dad and I went fishing. While not even getting a nibble, I did witness sheer determination and failure for one well-dressed fisherman and the precision of real professionals. We sat on a shady outcropping of rock that gave a clear view of the busy boat dock and the humor associated with launching a watercraft.

On a lake where for years we saw few kayaks, there must have been 30 big and small groups take to the water. Most were there for the exercise and to enjoy the changing color of the forest in fall as they paddled off without fishing poles. We watched a middle-aged lady back her Volvo down the boat ramp and stop several yards from the waters edge. As she got out of her car, a gentleman in a pickup truck appeared and was slowing moving down the embankment next to her. She paused for safety concerns and only started unstrapping her roof top mounted kayak as his truck backed into the water. As she walked toward the back of her car to manage the last strap, the truck was almost up to the bumper in the water. The driver briefly hit the gas pedal which launched the kayak out of the truck bed into the water. A rope tied to the truck’s bumper and the bow of the kayak stopped its progress away from shore. When it stopped, the driver then hit the gas again which propelled the kayak forward where it stopped on the ramp half in and half out of the water. As the gentleman got out of his truck to untie the kayak, the lady yelled for all to hear, “Cheater.” He returned after parking his truck, climbed in his water buggy and when he was afloat, whistled once and a terrier appeared splashing into the water and jumped on board. As he paddled away from shore, our lady friend paused from loading water bottles onto her craft and watched a real professional move out of sight.

A short time later, we saw a customized mini Mazda Miata convertible backing down the ramp with a boat trailer that was twice as long as the car. It was a compelling sight. It stopped 5 feet from the water, and we watched an older gentleman unwind himself out of the car. The man was 6’5, 6’8 with his fishing hat on. He walked back and looked at the situation, then scrunched himself back into the car. He backed the car just short of the water and crawled out again to check his progress. The trailer was too far into the water for him to reach the crank that held the boat in place without him getting wet, so he got back in the car and moved 3 foot forward. He unscrewed himself out of the car again and was able to unhook the tiedown. So, he slowly wiggled himself back into the car and backed up until the tires were wet. This time after inching out of his ride, he walked around the front of the car and onto the dock that boaters used to tie down their vessel while they parked their trailer. Our smartly dressed super tall gentleman was attempting to unstrap the bright red tiedown that held the back of the boat onto the trailer. After several failed attempts, he gave up and walked back to his miniature ride, climbed in, and moved the boat forward out of the water. He again climbed out of the car and seeing that the bright red tiedowns were still over water, he reentered and moved a few feet forward again. This effort was successful. He unstrapped the boat which now sat freely balanced on the trailer. He tied a long rope to the bow, put the top down on his custom ride, held his hand with the rope high as he backed into the water and then gassed his little car forward. Unlike the kayak that shot out of the pickup and into the water, our gentleman’s boat teetered somewhat askew on the back edge of the trailer. Exiting his car and surveying the situation, he climbed onto the trailer and tried to push the boat into the water. When that failed, he settled on just straightening it out on the back of the trailer. He climbed back into the car, drove into the water and floored the car again. This time it entered the water with some speed and in a flash as the slack in the rope disappeared a cry of pain and agony echoed through the trees to our little outcropping of rock. I am not sure of the physics but when a boat is going 10 miles an hour West and a car is going 20 miles per hour East and your arm which is holding the rope to stop all motion is going to feel some muscular stress. Again, I don’t know the physics, but paramedics were required. They drove away leaving the customized Mazda Miata and trailer halfway up the boat ramp and the freshly launched boat tied to the dock.

Moral: 1. There is more to fishing than the fish. 2. Think before you launch.

Thank you for following zsmisadventures and feel free to comment below or at zsmisadventures@gmail.com.

A Green Thumb

There is always a piece of fortune in misfortune.
Japanese Proverb

First and foremost I would like to say that my heart goes out to those who have or had the COVID-19 virus or have family and friends who do. I am saddened to hear about all the life stories that will not be able to continue and flourish, but instead will be remembered by the stories that they left behind. I would, also, like to thank all those in the medical field and the janitorial staff employees who are working to keep us as healthy as possible. I am grateful to see so many come together in a way that strengthens our communities.

Now on a lighter note. This past Tuesday was Saint Patrick’s day. A day where it is okay to pinch strangers for not wearing green. It is also an excuse to drink a beer with friends and dance the night away. It is one of the few days that the orthodox Lenten restrictions for drinking alcohol is lifted. Saint Patrick was a patron saint of Ireland and it is a day to celebrate him with our Irish friends.

This Saint Patrick’s day, my dad made it one for the memory books. We decided to make a trip to the grocery store to pick up a few essential supplies like Irish Soda Bread, wine, sliced turkey, cookies, and of course, green food coloring. We were not however, prepared for the checkout line that consisted of about 100 people with one roll of toilet paper each. Thinking that the line was just for toilet paper we moved ahead to a shorter register line. Within seconds we were cussed out by a lady stating that we had jumped this line too. “Go to the back of the store 6 aisles over,” she hissed.

While dad shuffled away, I, being the crafty one, decide to find out how one line could possibly break off into 10 separate checkout lanes. As it turned out, they don’t. The three carts in the cereal aisle led right into the first counter. I texted dad who found me next to Tony the Tiger. He dropped his armful of groceries in to my cart and pretended to leave the store empty handed just in case his lady friend thought he was cutting in another line. It took a few minutes more before I was waltzing out too but not without doing an act of human kindness. I bought a six pack of toilet paper for an 80 year old woman who was giving up after being told the end of the lines was 12 aisles over and back by the orange juice cooler.

When we got home my dad wanted to know if the turkey could possibly be dyed green for his Irish snack. After several minutes of soaking a few pieces in a glass loaf pan filled with green coloring, he took the ham out to admire his handy work. Placing the ham on a plate, he noted that his fingers were green but thinking nothing of it he splashed the coloring over several more slices and then took the whole concoction out to the garage and hung it up to dry. By the time he returned to the sink his entire hands to the wrist were shamrock green. After washing for 30 seconds, his hands were still shamrock green. In true dad fashion he started laughing as turned and held his hands out for all to see, ”I don’t just have a green thumb. I have two green thumbs and 8 green fingers.” It was a funny sight even for a green thumbed landscape professional and funnier yet an hour later when his lips and tongue we also a pretty shamrock green.

Moral: 1) Food coloring does not wash off easily. 2) Laughter makes everything better. 3) Practice compassion for all those who inhabit this big blue and green ball called Earth.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and stories in the comments below or email zsmisadventures@gmail.com. Stay whimsical and stay safe. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and share it, but thanks even more for looking out for each other.