I had brain surgery but by all means tell me again how bad your day was because Starbucks messed up your order.
Tionne Watkins
All my life, I have heard, “It’s not brain surgery,” as a response to any complaint about a task I was trying to complete. Well, now I can say, “Hey, fella, I know brain surgery, do you?” I have had brain surgery, not once, but twice in the last month, which is life-changing. I have to say I love the 70-plus staples in my head. It adds a little bit of “badass” to my look. I might find a way to get them to keep them there. Just kidding, but in all seriousness, no one wants to have brain surgery or see someone you care about go thru it. I am lucky I had a great team of doctors, led by Kris Smith, M.D., a Neurosurgeon at Barrows Neurological Institute. He is also the director of the Stereotactic-Functional-Epilepsy Fellowship Program, the Hypothalamic Hamartoma Program, and the Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus Program. He also serves as co-director of neurosurgical oncology and radiology services, including Gamma Knife, CyberKnife, and Zap-X. So, I was in good hands to get Zapped. Oh, and he rides a bike to work. Also, my favorite is Dr. Vladimir Shvarts, a neurologist with the Epilepsy Program and the Director of Clinical Neurophysiology at Barrows, who has guided my team for the past few years. I am also grateful to be surrounded by the many family and friends sending healing vibes my way. It means a lot to know people care about you and you are not going thru this alone.
The surgery to place the RNS device in my head took about 3 hours. A silver dollar piece of the skull bone is drilled and sawed out for placement of the RNS. It is a small, curved microprocessor device glued to the skull bone. A set of wires the size of a hair is inserted through the brain tissue with the help of computer guidance to specific points in the hypothalamus. Those points were determined during my last stay when many wires were inserted into my brain tissue that tracked the source of my seizures. My new implant will monitor brain activity in the problem areas and, with the help of Artificial Intelligence over time, will be programmed to stop episodes before they happen. Every day I use a “wand,” or what I like to call an old-school-looking phone device, that I plug into a computer supplied by Neuropace to document my regional brain activities.
Once a week, I plug the laptop directly into our modem, and the information is sent to my doctor for review. If I feel or my family sees seizure activity, such as staring off into space, in that case, I move a powerful magnet over the RNS device, which flags the time and activity as something the doctors should investigate.
The RNS is used for patients over 18 who have been on more than two different drugs, and the seizures have not decreased. I have focal seizures, which means they occur in one point of my brain, and the RNS can easily trigger that spot when needed to stop them. Since my seizures are minor and typically happen at night, I don’t notice they occur unless I am tired the next day. The RNS is perfect for me because it can pick up on subtle changes and address them as needed. I can live my life and regain my memories due to fewer seizures.
Believe it or not, after brain surgery, I only spent one night in the hospital and was home the following day. For the most part, there hasn’t been a lot of pain, just more of a mild annoyance, as if my hair has been in a tight ponytail from time to time. I will go back in 11 years to have the battery in the RNS device changed during an outpatient procedure that should last no longer than 30 minutes. Other than having a card to avoid going thru metal detectors, there are no lasting side effects of the procedure.
I will save the story of how I got Dr. Smith’s medical team to save a piece of my skull bone for another day.
Moral:1) Be grateful for new beginnings. 2) You are not alone.
Like the rest, I have had times when I felt I could not compete with the “supermodels” of the world. I have doctor appointments where I am told my BMI makes me obese despite being a size 12.
However, in September 2022, my dad took me to my first Re-vitalize appointment. I know what you are thinking; “oh great, another ad to sell me my ideal image.” No, I am here to talk about my experience and gratitude to my dad for forcing me into this. My dad had heard one of his favorite sports radio announcers talking about Re-vitalize while on his way to yet “another meeting that could have been an email.” The announcer mentioned the favorite thing he liked most about his experience with Re-vitalize was the staff support and the valuable information he received about maintaining his weight loss. This was a step my dad was very interested in hearing about. He, like the rest of us, has always heard about losing weight but never about how to maintain weight loss. The announcer went on to see that Revitalize was more than a diet, but a different way of looking at the food one consumes. Yes, you can eat the food you love, but with some research and guidance, you can eat it in a way that actually helps your body.
After completing some research, my dad set up an appointment for the following week to learn more. While at the appointment, we learned about the program, which includes a bio scanner to track your individual body needs and much more. My dad and I looked at each other and decided we had nothing to lose, so why not go for it? We went home and told mom, and she immediately cleaned out the pantry and rid it of foods that would not be appropriate for the first few stages of the weight loss program. (We made some friends and family very happy the following day when we handed them the goods we were getting rid of.) We ordered oil-free hygiene products and locked the makeup drawer for 40 days.
The first 40 days of the program involve not having any oils, including those used in personal care products. I was given different minerals to take throughout the day. I was also told about the importance of drinking plenty of water, using pink salt to help hydrate the cells and staying away from starchy foods. The first 40 days are about eating 4-6 oz of protein and tons of veggies. We bought scales to weigh ourselves every day. I got my own, while my parents decided to share one. We even got a food scale. I checked in with a nutrition coach once a week, either in person or on the phone. The support provided was not something I thought would mean anything, but it was extremely comforting to know someone was there to answer any questions I had.
After 40 days, we were allowed to use oils and eat a few more foods we couldn’t before, like corn. We continued to use reset days if needed, which consisted of something as easy as eating apples throughout the day if weight was stagnant or gaining more than 2 pounds from the day before. Then they help set you up for success in the real world, so you don’t have to fear food. After following their simple lifestyle changes for over 150 days, I have lost 32 pounds and am now a size 10! My BMI no longer says I am obese, just overweight, but I will take it. The BMI doesn’t define me.
I learned since giving up gluten and eating more of a keto diet; I have had fewer migraines, had more energy, and slept better. I’m not saying you should go out and try this; I’m just telling you my story about how I have come to love myself more and started stepping out of my comfort zone. I even have cooked some now, which I would never have done before. I enjoy going for nightly walks, going to the gym with my dad a few days a week, and just knowing I did something good for myself.
Morals: 1) Love yourself. 2) Food is not the enemy. 3) Remember to eat those vegetables.
Everyone has a story of humility, i.e., being humbled by our modest suffering when talking with someone who has genuinely suffered. ‘I stubbed my toe’ vs. ‘I had to cut my leg off with a pocket knife to escape the rock slide alive.’
While everyone may suffer setbacks, not everyone is fortunate to be surrounded by the love and support needed to endure those tough times. I have been extremely fortunate to have a support group that keeps growing. I honestly don’t know where I would be today without them.
Seven years ago, I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy, AKA Seizures. This means that my brain activity “becomes abnormal, causing seizures or periods of unusual behavior, sensations and sometimes loss of awareness.” (https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/epilepsy/symptoms-causes/syc-20350093)Six types of seizures range from having a blank stare (Absent seizures) to tonic-clonic seizures. These have been known as grand mals and are considered the most serious. Tonic-clonic seizures cause loss of consciousness, body twitching, and becoming stiff as a board. It can also cause the eye to roll back in someone’s head, foam at the mouth, loss of bladder control, and biting of the tongue. When I first heard the word seizure, I pictured someone shaking uncontrollably on the ground with no possible end in sight. However, since having seizures, I have since learned seizures have many sides.
My seizures started when I was in community college and was in the classroom unable to listen to the teacher as I felt I was underwater; unfortunately, after many tests, I was told, “Sorry, we have no idea what is wrong, good luck.” After many years and receiving great care from Barrows, I have learned that that episode at community college was a seizure. I have since had plenty more.
I had a grand mal six years ago, which started with me zoning out for a few minutes, then my body began convulsing and struggling while foam came out of my mouth, and I actually stopped breathing. I have not had one since. My mom had to pound on my chest while riding to the hospital. The next year, I got so infuriated my hands were clenched, and all my limbs started to shake uncontrollably. Luckily I was already lying on the floor. I remember the panic I felt because I was unsure how long it would last and if it would turn into anything else. I waited as long as I could before I tried to peep out, “help” and my mom and several other family members came running. It lasted for me about 20 minutes, but in reality, it was probably only 6. Since then, I have gone years before I wake up tired and have to sleep all day, which is an early indication that I possibly had a seizure the night prior. However, lately, I have had a few more during the day where I just stare off for a few seconds. They are easy to miss. The seizures are only noticed if someone is talking to me or I am talking and then ‘radio silence.’
As a result, I have been put on medication to manage the seizures, which does help but is not a lifelong solution. For now, my seizures are closed on the right side of my hippocampus, but over time they will spread out, making them harder to control. I have had many tests over the past six years to figure out possible triggers, where the seizures are coming from, and what to do to provide a better standard of living for myself. The doctors at Borrow’s St. Joseph completed MRIs, cognitive functioning exams, EKGs, and even a Watatata test (where they shut off part of the brain to determine what each side does). That is a test I recommend as it really helps get an insight into how one’s brain works and how far science has come.
The latest test was a bit more invasive (see photos above). The test was used to pinpoint where my seizures are activated. To complete the test, wires (leads) were drilled into my head ( 4 on the left and six on the right), and then those wires were wrapped up in gauze for safekeeping while they monitored my brain wave activity 24/7. I felt like a real-life Teletubby.
I had to spend a week in the hospital while the activity was reviewed to ensure that when I did have seizures, they were able to see where they came from and how they affected me, if at all. I was taken off of one of my seizure medications and significantly lowered on the other. I was up from 2 AM until 11 PM without naps for three days. I could not walk to the bathroom but instead had to hit a call button to have someone (man or woman) monitor me and hold my cord while I took one step towards the bedside commode and back into the bed. I even had a nurse slap my backside when she thought I was going to miss sitting on the commode when in fact, I was just being whimsical and backing up at an angle. We laughed really hard that night. I had a heart sticker on my tailbone to prevent bed sores that needed to be changed every three days. I laughed when after surgery, it was placed on my left butt cheek and not the tailbone. I asked who placed it there and was ensured it was not the doctors who operate on my brain “because they only do brain stuff.” I was later told it was probably placed where it was because of how they had me lying on the table. I also had to have my wrists restrained while I slept to ensure that the cords were not possibly touched when I had a seizure.
I was in the hospital having seizures, and I had seizures I did. I had one episode where I could not communicate, only making little noises indicating I needed help. It took every brain cell I had to tell the nurses my name. However, despite that seeming like it may have been a seizure, the data showed it was not. It was just my body acclimating to not being on my medications and being in a stressful situation. The next night I did have two small ones while I slept. My mom and I celebrated, thinking I was ready to be let go, but I was told I needed to have at least one or two more. Being the overachiever I am, I gave them 28 the following night. The nurses working that night did not need to go to the GYM for a week. They were running in and out of the room asking me questions such as: What is my name, where am I, what the name of an object was, and what does it do? They had me squeeze their hands and push and pull them away, as well as lift my knees and wiggle my toes. However, I only remember them coming in twice. I was told that my jaw was protruding, and when I would not answer the questions or I would only answer “No” no matter the question. When I came out of my seizure I was calmer and more willing to answer the questions and would start to look at the person asking the questions before I would only look straight ahead and not make eye contact.
As stated earlier, I have dealt with seizures for a while, but I learned that my blood sugars could rise when I have them. I was able to find out that my brain is constantly firing abnormally, but not in noticeable ways. I also confirmed SLEEP DEPRIVATION is a trigger. I always knew I needed my sleep, but now I can honestly say it is confirmed that if I don’t get enough sleep, I am at higher risk of having one. That doesn’t mean I can’t stay up and go to concerts and live life; it just means I have to be responsible when I do and ensure that I get to sleep the following day.
The next step is getting a device to monitor and stop my seizures 24/7 in real-time without being hooked to outside machines. Next month the plan is to have a silver dollar size portion of my skull removed and replaced with the RNS device to monitor and control my seizures. The data it collects will be able to be viewed by my doctors whether I am in or outside the doctor’s office. The device is basically a Bluetooth device that monitors and stops seizures before they happen. The goal is to be able to go through life with less anxiety because I will not be stressed if I will have a seizure. I am lucky to be able to be independent, work, and not have anyone know that I struggle with this. Being diabetic is a different story because the gig is up once they see my insulin pump. The RNS device no one would see. It would only come up when I held out my card, saying I passed on going through the metal detector.
In closing, I would like to mention that I honestly have never had so many flowers and cute gifts while at a hospital. I am very lucky to have so many amazing people around me cheering me on through all of this chaos. Thank you all.
Morals: 1) There is humor in everything. 2) Checking in on those we love means a lot. 3) Never lose hope.
“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”
Unknown
“Family” can mean many different things; it can be those that are biologically related, but my family is those who love me and accept me just the way I am. Those who empower me to go for that which I may think is impossible. Those who are there when times get tough and not just when all is sunny. They give, never asking for anything in return. My family is everything, and without them, who knows where I would be? So on this Thanksgiving day, I would like to thank I consider family, from my parents to my best friends. To you, my readers.
No one will argue if you want the family to come together; throw a party. That is precisely what my family did. My family, like most others, is spread all over the country. I have family in Oregon, Virginia, North Carolina, Illinois, Maine, and Arizona. Needless to say, we don’t get to see each other often. Therefore, my Aunt’s 80th birthday seemed like an excellent excuse for a much-needed get-together. I saw one of my cousins whom I hadn’t seen since I was 10. If it weren’t for social media, I would not have recognized him.
The party was less about my Aunt and more about those who could make it, coming together to catch up and make new memories. My dad even came up with a 50’s theme after seeing a poodle skirt I could wear in a party store. The theme, however, did not make it to the masses outside of my parents and me. When my Aunt asked about the Pink Lady outfits and 50s music, we let her know the theme was the 50s because she went to high school in the 50s. She looked shocked and replied, “I did not.” My dad had to bring up the high school reunion notices on Social Media. I guess being 80 is as good an excuse as any to use when one forgets milestones, such as high school graduation.
We laughed, played games, and, notably… drove each other crazy. You know it is a good time when you don’t go to bed until 1 AM and are not tired. Like everyone else, having a house full of love and laughter is nice, but it is also nice to have some time to decompress. Here are too many more gatherings.
Moral: Anytime can be a good time for a get-together, no reason needed.
In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life. It goes on.
Robert Frost
I would like to take this time to thank all those that surround me with love every day. I would like to thank you for reading my blogs.
A lot has happened since I last posted my blog; some are good, some not so good, but I am here, and so are you, which is a blessing. I have been able to storm the Arizona State football field after beating a top 10-ranked school, Washington State. I was shown on television walking on and off the field during the mass exploding of the fans onto the field. I have been on a weight loss program with my parents to better our health and overall satisfaction with our lives. I have got to enjoy seeing my parents smile as they dust off clothes that they have not worn in decades. I have gone to see Panic at The Disco Live, where I relived some teenage memories as I danced the night away. I attended a 1920’s themed wedding where I got to enjoy wearing the flapper dress I adore. I got to dress up for Halloween and hand out candy. I went to an art gallery (wonder spaces) and got to see the works of talented artists who transform everyday objects, such as construction paper into a forest of wonder. I witnessed the ASU hockey team crush its opponent in the very first game i in the new arena. I discovered who my friends are because they have been there when I needed them most. I got promoted at work. Went on shopping sprees. I comforted those when they were sick and been comforted. I have grown more patient. I have become less anxious (except when on the road). I found more faith in myself and my abilities. I have opened up and let others in. I fought for love and lost.
However, I will never stop fighting for myself. I will never stop caring and wanting a better world for those around me. I will never stop.
Moral: 1) Don’t lose yourselves because others don’t value you. 2) Never stop fighting for what you believe in. 3) There is goodness in every day, sometimes it is harder to see than others, but that doesn’t mean it is not there. 4) Happiness is what you make it is not up to others to decide for you.
Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.
Unknown
Growing up, traveling became second nature. I enjoyed going on trips and seeing and doing things other kids don’t normally get to experience. I rode a bus in Peru up the side of a mountain where the road was so narrow that our bus had to back up several times for a car to continue going down the rocky, rugged road. One slight turn of the wheel in the wrong direction and the bus was going off a cliff with me and the 7 other tourists who were visibly shaking and holding on for dear life. All of this is to pet a herd of llamas at the top of Macho Pichu at a height of 8,000 ft. I learned to row a dugout canoe down the Amazon River on my 13th birthday where out of the blue and in the middle of who knows where another canoe filled with tourists started singing Happy Birthday to me as they rowed passed us. I got to travel to Curacao and Trinidad for sports exchanges once a year throughout middle school playing basketball, volleyball, tennis, and soccer. I was even named MVP for basketball and volleyball in my 6th-grade year. I have traveled by ship, train, air, and car to visit friends, family, and places of interest all over the world. I had not, however, traveled alone to a destination where no one I knew was waiting to greet my arrival. At least not until I decided to go on a Wild Woman’s Retreat in November of 2018. It was the best decision that I ever made. It was the final piece I needed to become whole and fully love myself the way I should have all my life. It allowed me to let go and enjoy all that surrounded me.
The Woman’s Retreat focused on self-love, forgiveness, and after letting go, being ready to move on. We completed hours of meditation sessions daily, but instead of doing them in a class or a living room, we did them in the rainforest or on the beach. We did various exercises to support each other letting go and working on transitioning into the butterflies we knew we were, but couldn’t see. We did this by finding our voices while we chanted and danced, often naked, in the rainforest. We went zip lining. We had massages. We had long meaningful talks about life experiences and listened to each other as we spoke our truths out loud. We had a marriage ceremony where we spoke heartfelt vows to ourselves.
On the last day of the retreat, I went to the beach and put my feet in the water, and talked to the spirits around me about love and how I was proud of who I am and that the right guy will be proud to be with me. I forgave myself for past issues as there is nothing to be done about them now. I promised to never let any one person make me feel bad about myself because the only person who can do that is me and I was no longer going to do that.
I learned that the hardest thing to do, but the simplest thing to do is just ask for help and be honest with others. I learned to let go of expectations of what might happen and just be in the moment. Not as easy for me as it sounds and something I am still working on today. I was able to embrace the imperfections that make me who I am and be proud of my whimsical self.
For my 35th birthday, I decided there was no better place to go to celebrate my mid-thirties and Alejandro’s and my first anniversary than Costa Rica. In April of this year, 2022, I went back to Costa Rica and reclaimed my inner happiness and peace, but best of all this time I was not going there alone, this time I got to share that joy and sense of peace with Alejandro.
It was nice to be able to share such a formative experience with him. I was able to show him where the retreat happened and the beach where I sat on a log with my toes in the black sand staring out into the ocean, sending out to the universe all the things I wanted from myself and the perfect partner. I got to show him Jaco where we spent a day exploring and laughing. We not only got to walk in the rainforests together, but we got to stay in a glass room right in the middle of it. The room had a bathtub out front where one can unwind and enjoy the sounds of nature. It was nice to be able to disconnect and just be one with nature and appreciate all the beauty around us. The best part was I got to do that with him. We have memories we will forever look back and smile about. We swam under waterfalls, woke up to holler monkeys, had a bat fly in our room, and so much more.
My favorite adventure was when we went waterfall repelling for our 1 year/my birthday (Our first date was on my birthday- meeting him was the best gift ever). Everyone was worried for us as we had never gone rock climbing, but I told them we would be fine and we were. We went out with a guide and a few other ladies from Denmark and repelled off 8 waterfalls. The largest waterfall was 80 ft. It was scary at first, but mainly because I am diabetic and did not want my insulin pump to get wet and stop working, as it is my lifeline. The guides were very helpful and gave me their waterproof bag so I could make sure nothing happened to it. My pump ended up being in a waterproof bag within a waterproof bag where it stayed safe and dry.
However, I was not as clever with my test kit. I only placed it in the waterproof bag we got in Florida. Turns out, that bag is not 100% waterproof. I found out when I went to test myself after repelling down the 80 ft waterfall with no hands that my blood glucose monitor had water in it and was no longer working. A truck had to come and get Alejandro and me, along with one of our tour guides that were bitten by an ant and were starting to swell up all over and not able to see. (Yes, he was the one holding the rope as I finished my final descent. Good thing my mother did not know that when they took the picture of me not holding on to anything.) The truck had to come thru mud, mini lakes, and a mountain of rock, to rescue us. They were able to bring us to the pharmacy where Alejandro and I were able to find a blood glucose monitor for $80 (Here in the states it is about $17).
In the end, I am glad we went and we were able to prove my father wrong because no one died. I would rather be out $80 for a blood glucose monitor than end up in the hospital because I no longer have a working pump and no way to get one due to being out of the country. I can’t wait till we go waterfall repelling again, but this time I am triple bagging everything I have in a waterproof bag.
Moral: 1) Sometimes stepping outside your comfort zone is just what the doctor ordered. 2) Continue putting what you want out into the universe because it just may come true 3) Being able to sit in silence and listen to someone tell their story is hard but good for everyone. 4) You, my friends and readers, are amazing. 5) Remain Wild and Free.
Thank you for reading and following my blog. If you have any comments or stories you would like to share you can do so in the comments below or by emailing zsmisadventures@gmail.com.
The best things in life are the people we love, the places we have been, and the memories we have made along the way.
Unknown
It has been a while since I wrote, so thank you for coming back. I cannot express how much it means. I started this website because I told a friend of all the silly things that happen on the light rail from time to time. That person (Shout out to Rachel) thought it would be a good idea to spread the laughs. Then it became a therapeutic thing for me and a way for me to truly pay attention to the things that were going on around me as I wanted to see if I could use it in my blog. Despite not entering any blogs for a while, I still thought about those misadventures that would be fun to tell. Some of those misadventures were: getting lost in Yellow Stone, turning my hair blue, issues figuring out how a shirt is to be worn, getting offered cashews at a concert to sit down, and hearing about some awful icebreakers on the light rail. All to be explained in future blogs.
My favorite misadventure by far this past year (2021) was meeting someone I am currently in a serious relationship with a few weeks before my birthday on my way home from work. I was completing training for a new job, and we got out an hour early. Unfortunately, I missed the first train that would bring me home and had to wait another 15 minutes. After about 6 stops this guy gets on. My dad told me 5 years ago, that I would meet someone on the light rail when he was selling me the interesting idea that the light rail was the best way for me to get to work. He had a green little square lunch box and was dressed in a dress shirt and tie, black slacks, and nice dress shoes. I thought, “Wow, not only does this guy have it together, but he is good looking too.” I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit to myself as I thought this is the guy, but now what. He walked past me and sat behind me, but after one stop he moved to a seat next to me. I noticed that he was shaking his head and I laughed. He immediately looked over at me. I thought, “Now I really did it, smooth Z,” So I asked, “Are you thinking the same thing I am thinking,” And we both laughed. I smiled because without even trying I already had an inside joke with this man that I just met, but I couldn’t help but feel silly as we continued to talk. I gave him a hard time as he looked younger than he said. We were both wearing masks, per light rail mandate, so it was hard to tell what each other looked like. I made sure he was an ASU fan, taking the pandemic seriously (which he confirmed by shaking his head at all the people huddled together at the opening of Spring Training,), and by the way he spoke I figured we pretty much had similar values. I never laughed or blushed so much in my life. I felt like a schoolgirl talking to a guy for the first time. Next thing I knew we were at his stop. We acknowledged it was very nice meeting each other and hoped to run into each other very soon and just like that he was gone. I was saddened of course because I thought there went the man I was meant to be with, but I had hope we would see each other again if it truly was meant to be.
I told my parents when they picked me up, I met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with if I see him again. My mother humored me and made sure I looked nice every day I left for work. She asked everyday for two weeks if I had seen him. The answer was always, “No.” I asked the universe to bring him back into my life if it was truly meant to be. Unfortunately, time was running out. I would be finishing training soon and be working the night shift at which point I knew I would never run into him again. As luck would have it, I missed the train I normally take home from training, and he got on and sat across from me. I was compelled to look over but didn’t know why and then I saw him and at the time he had turned and looked at me. We both said, “Hey nice to see you again.” We talked and laughed. He asked for my number and if I wanted to go out the next day. I told him the next day was my birthday, he laughed as he thought I was joking.
The next day on my 34th birthday, April 27th, I met the light rail guy at Cornish Pastry in downtown Phoenix, Arizona. He gave me lollipops as he felt compelled to get me something as it was my birthday. We both pulled our masked down and saw each other’s faces for the first time and I breathed a sigh of relief because he had a goatee, so I knew he was indeed 35 and not in his early 20 years. He also had the greatest smile I have ever seen. Who would have thought a year later I would still be seeing that smile and getting to sit next to him everyday as we ride the train to work? (Side note: I got a different job so I could workdays and no more weekends). When I look back on how we met, I like to think of it like an episode of extreme dating.
After my dad finally rode the light rail 5 years ago, he told me to never date anyone from the light rail, this time I am glad he was right the first time when he told me I would meet my guy on the light rail. Alejandro, I love you and am grateful for you and our story every day.
Moral: You never know what the day will bring so be open to the abundent possibilities.
Please feel free to share your comment below or at Zsmisadventures@gmail.com as it might be mentioned in a future blog.
Your favorite chair is empty now but the memories of our happy times are mine to keep always.
Unknown
Cutie Melgreen was the most awesome member of my family. Besides being one of a kind, she was the best caregiver I ever had. Whenever I was sick, Cutie would cuddle up next to my chest and lick my nose to let me know I would be okay. On 7/15/2021, I had to be the one to kiss her nose and let her know she was going to be okay as she took her last breath.
Cutie had a thousand ways to always brighten up the most challenging of days. Even my thoughts of her after passing, tend to bring a smile about the good times we had over the past 15 years. She was my wakeup call, so much better than the Choo Choo alarm that my iPhone blasts out every morning. Cutie always made sure to wake me up at 5:00 AM every morning to escort me to the bathroom so I could give her water from my bathroom sink. During COVID, when I worked from home for a week, she got into the habit of drinking the water, waiting for me to get ready, then escort me to the office where we would start our work day. She enjoyed sitting on my lap looking at the computer screen to review my work. She made it a point to be a part of every zoom huddle meeting I had because she was one of us. Once it hit 3 PM she would get up and walk me out of the office to my bedroom for our daily nap. How I miss those naps.
Cutie had a habit of sitting on my dad’s chair whenever he got up. It was almost as if there was an invisible alarm on the chair that went off only for her every time my dad stood up. Then my dad would have to plead with her for several minutes to jump down, but that never worked, in end he would have to tilt the chair up and wait for her to slide off. It was almost like a game the two of them played and it was always a joy to watch.
Cutie loved to be loved, but that didn’t mean she always chose the best times for it. On occasional weekends she would meow at 2:30 AM and keep pleading for me to wake up. When I finally propped up on an elbow, she would stroll over next to me, roll over and meow until I began rubbing her belly. When satisfied, she run off not to be found till the afternoon. On other weekend mornings, she would jump on my stomach and lay down as soon as I finally decided I would get up and do something with my day. I didn’t complain as it gave me an excuse to be lazy and spend more time with her. However, it didn’t help the many times she jumped on my stomach just as I was getting up to go to the restroom, but if she wanted love who was I to ever tell her “No.”
She enjoyed getting on my mom’s chest whenever my mother was preoccupied with reading or playing on her IPAD. She didn’t understand why my mother would want time to herself to relax, so instead she would cuddle her way to her chest and paw at her till she got the love and attention she wanted, then bite my mom’s finger and ask for more pets. That did not always go over so well for her. Most of the time after she bit my mom, she would stop petting her and let her sit on her lap, but most other times, Cutie had to figure out another place to lay.
My family and my friends enjoyed her company and loving way. Now she is back with my other cat, her boyfriend, and playmate, Scooter. I know they are smiling down on us and I am smiling up at them. She was beyond what I could ever hope for, she was more than my cat; she was my fur baby and will forever be a part of me.
Failure doesn’t mean game over, it means try again with experience.
Len Schlesinger
If someone were to ask me a few years ago if I considered myself a gamer, I would laugh and quickly say, “No.” I would admit to enjoying playing Sonic, Mario Cart, and Mortal Combat when I was a kid, but now I am an adult and I don’t have the desire to sit in my office and fire up the computer to play those type of games or take over the living room TV to play from the couch. Well, it turns out, there are some types of games that I can actually play in silence on my iPad that are quite challenging. I have come to find that my eyes light up when I see the picture above and secretly would love to have a real functioning Nintendo controller in my home. Maybe it is because I see the relics of my youth like Nintendo, Gameboys, CD’s, etc becoming extinct. I have seen phones and computers evolve and it makes me feel ancient. Maybe this is what makes me want to hold on and keep a piece of time alive. I see it fading and to be honest it reminds me that I one day will fade too. It makes me think of all the things that surround me and wonder what will still be around years from now. What will be upgraded or long forgotten.
If asked today if I am a gamer, I would say that I have come to find pushing buttons on a controller can be therapeutic. It is a way to tune out the world and focus on what is going on in front of me. I enjoyed playing Dungeon and Dragons, as long as, I could bring my character to life and not feel like I was restricted by silly rules. I mean it is an imaginary world, I should be able to fly if I want to. Point is, since COVID hit a year ago, I found myself playing games such as June’s Journey and Lily’s Garden for a few minutes daily. I found that it was relaxing and a great way to form a relationship with others who also play. I also learned that some games were a great way to exercise my mental dexterity. I was starting to think that my memory was just going to fade away due to past seizures. My ability, therefore, to retain images and recollections was going to be something I would just have to work around. I was glad to find some games are seen as a way to improve and strengthen my mental dexterity. I have also learned that games have glitches and that cursing out the streaming creatures is a pointless and futile effort. So if you are an adult gamer, be proud. If you have lost a long sought-after level in Candy Crush because your internet connection failed, you are not alone. There is no need to slam your iPad to the floor and watch it shatter across the room. You can express your frustrations here. I believe there are still fun ways to exercise one’s mind and, at the same time, learn the real meaning of patience.
Moral: 1) We all have our own ways to unwind. Find yours and don’t be ashamed to live your truth. 2) Remember a game is a game. It should be set aside from time to time to interact with the real world.
Please feel free to share your comment below or at Zsmisadventures@gmail.com as it might be mentioned in a future blog.
“We need more light about each other. Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity”
Malcom X
I want to begin by thanking everyone for following my blog. I will be starting a new work schedule and am hoping that it will not impact my posting ability. If I miss a few weeks, please bear with me while some adjustments are made.
The last few days have been straight out of a real-life true-crime documentary. I feel I live in a generally “safe” neighborhood. I know there are always complaints about what goes on at a nearby gas station with stories about sex trafficking and drug arrests, but those stories seem to be just that stories, until this week.
Day 1, I was coming home from work and there was caution tape around the outside of one of the entrances to my gated community. There were about 6 cop cars inside the caution tape blocking all access. A man was reported to have been shot in the leg and the gunman was believed to have escaped by climbing the entry’s block wall. The men in blue were searching up and down the streets of my secured compound while a police helicopter circled noisily overhead. Those gates only give a false sense of security. I am not sure if the man was found, but I do know I should have been scared that a gunman was running around my neighborhood, but I wasn’t. Instead, I got caught up in trying to figure out what was going on and wondering why our neighbor with a police scanner was not answering everyone’s queries on Slack.
Day 2, I came home from work to find a firetruck and two patrol cars parked outside the second entrance to our community. My first thought was relief that fewer policemen were needed for this incident. Before I could take that sigh of relief, my mother shouted, “There is a dead body.”
My mother reported seeing what looked like a big pile of trash laying on the sidewalk when she exited our complex at about 11:30 pm and headed to the train station. When we returned, the emergency crew had the area well-lit, and a dead body was stretched out along the curb. The cops and firemen had secured the scene. Again, our news apps were silent. I knew that if I was not working the later shift, I too would not have known that a dead body was found a few hundred feet from my front door. I couldn’t help but wonder if the body in the gutter was the victim in the preceding night’s shooting. The gunman, in my imagination, came back to finish the job. I went to sleep hoping that the person died of natural causes, but I will never know.
Day 3, I went to work wondering what mystery would greet my late-night return. I believe in ‘things come in three’s’ so I was expecting fireworks coming home. The consequences seemed to be mounting and only getting more violent. Unfortunately, the trend continued. I received a text message alert from Valley Metro just as I was leaving work and walking to the train station. The notification was to inform train passengers that my station and the one after mine were closed due to a police incident and that trains would not be travelling through the area. I would have to find a bus stop and take it to a station a few miles closer to home. I thought ‘the incident’ was probably a drug bust. I was wrong. A 14-year-old boy was reported to have been stabbed on the platform during a confrontation between 2 men and a woman. He was DOA at the hospital a few minutes later. If I had left work at the end of my shift instead of stopping to talk to my supervisor for 15 minutes, I would have been on the train and at the platform when it happened. I may have been the one to call 911. I may have been on the train with the man who stabbed the teenager. I may have been the one stabbed because I would not have sat quietly by and watch the man hit his female companion. Now that thought haunts me. It is a good thing too that my office is open 24/7 so I had a place to wait while stranded. The closest bus stop was a mile walk and wearing heels meant it was a mile to far. Luckily, my parents were willing get out of bed and head my way. They were not prepared for the police shutting down a mile of Central Avenue where my high rise is centrally located. After about 30 minutes of driving the back streets, they were able to get within a block of my office.
Everyday events can turn into life-threatening moments in a blink of an eye. One moment you are sitting in a pizza shop enjoying your thick-crusted pepperoni pizza and the next minute a man’s shoe lands in the middle of the tray sending the remaining slices flying like rubble from a blast sight. More on that story later. The point being no one ever really knows what the next moments will bring. It really is important to let our loved ones know we care and try to take some time to think about how we are moving forward. Life really is too short to be wasted being upset over who ate the last donut and better spent laughing with those you love.
Moral: 1) Tragedy is all around us. Learn from it and not let it consume you. 2) Be the light in someone else’s day because you never know what adventures they had to overcome to get to where they are. 3) There is more to life than work.
If you would like to share your stories you can do so in the comments below or by emailing zsmisadventures@gmail.com and your story may be sued in a future blog. Stay whimsical.
Lady Z's MisAdventures 